Day 3 – Wrestling with Workplace Bullying

Monday, December 9, 2025

I spent the entire weekend wrestling with video editing software without even thinking about workplace bullying. My plan was simple: start a YouTube channel to document this journey, record my experiences, build something visible and real. A video diary felt like the right medium—authentic, immediate, human.

It took me a full day to edit three minutes of footage, much to the annoyances of the family over the weekend – rightly so!

First, I downloaded software that seemed promising, spent hours learning the interface, and only after finishing the edit discovered the license wasn’t actually free. Frustration. Back to searching. Download another program. Start again. The overwhelm was real—every click felt like wading through mud, self-doubt creeping in with thoughts like “if you can’t even figure out basic video editing, how am I going to solve workplace bullying?” But I kept going, driven by impatience with myself and determination not to let technology defeat me so early on.

Eventually, I got it done. Then moved on to building images and writing posts but by the end of Monday I still hadn’t created any content. I had also found Notion again, as I considered that tracking everything to create a rudimentary system for tracking tasks, ideas, research, content plans, campaigns etc may be a good idea. Organizing my thoughts gave me something I desperately needed: a sense that this overwhelming mission might actually be manageable if I could just see it all laid out.

But here’s what the day really taught me: I am alone in this struggle, and that mirrors exactly what victims of workplace bullying experience.

The Paradox of Silence

I can’t stop thinking about why people don’t speak up. Why they don’t share their experiences. Why I have so many angles to explore—psychological, organizational, cultural, legal—and no way to pursue all of them simultaneously.

The research is stark. Fear of retaliation is the biggest barrier to reporting workplace bullying. Employees worry about losing their jobs, being labeled “dramatic” or “difficult,” or facing backlash from perpetrators or the organization itself. Even when people witness bullying, most do nothing—they’re unsure how serious it is, don’t want to embarrass anyone, or fear the consequences will rebound on them or the victim.​

This creates what researchers call “organizational silence”—a systemic suppression of voice that workplace bullying actively reinforces. When people see that speaking up leads to punishment or inaction/cover-up or ‘cultural protection’ rather than victim-protection, silence becomes the rational choice. The culture learns: troublemakers get removed, not bullies. See this article on healthcare pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih+1​

Why Companies Hush It Up

Organizations don’t like admitting bullying exists because it challenges a core psychological need: believing we work in a good place, with good people. Witnesses feel partially responsible if they don’t intervene, so guilt prevents them from reporting anything at all. Managers often blame victims—asking what they did to deserve it, or why they aren’t fighting back more effectively. This victim-blaming becomes a convenient explanation that absolves the organization of systemic responsibility.​

When companies do respond, they frequently identify the victim as the problem rather than recognizing bullying as a symptom of toxic culture and managerial failure. Exit the complainer, keep the bully, preserve the illusion that everything is fine. The legal and reputational risks of acknowledging widespread bullying feel more threatening than quietly removing individuals who raise it.​

This is why a close friend resigned after the legal investigation. The outcomes were ignored. The system protected itself.

The Angles I’m Wrestling With

As I built my Notion database today, I kept adding more questions I need to explore:

• Why are some people more vulnerable to bullying? Is hypersensitivity a factor, or does that risk victim-blaming?
• How does bullying escalate over time? What are the early warning signs organizations miss?
• What makes bystanders stay silent? Fear? Complicity? Learned helplessness?
• Can bullies change if they lack self-awareness, or are some truly predatory?
• What cultural conditions enable bullying to thrive unchecked?

I have theories. I have observations from nearly 30 years. But I can’t research, write, create videos, build frameworks, consult with companies, and support victims all at once. The frustration of having so many paths forward and no capacity to walk all of them simultaneously is paralyzing.

And then it hit me: This isolation is exactly what victims feel.

The Mirror

Victims are isolated by silence—their own and others’. They carry the weight alone because speaking up feels too risky, and even when they do, they’re often blamed, dismissed, or quietly removed. The bullying scrambles their thinking, damages their confidence, and leaves them questioning their own perceptions.​

I felt echoes of that today. The technical struggles, the overwhelm, the sense that I’m attempting something impossibly large without the resources or support to do it properly. For a moment, I understood viscerally why victims feel trapped and why organizational silence is so powerful.

But here’s the crucial difference: I’m choosing to work in public. I’m refusing to stay silent.

Breaking the Pattern

If silence enables bullying, then visibility might disrupt it. If isolation keeps victims powerless, then connection could restore agency. This is why I’m documenting every messy, frustrating step—because the act of sharing breaks the pattern of hushing it up.​

I don’t have all the answers. I don’t even have a fully functioning YouTube channel yet. But I do have a growing Notion database, a commitment to keep showing up, and a belief that we solve this together, not alone.

Where I Need Your Voice

If you’ve experienced workplace bullying and didn’t speak up—what stopped you? If you witnessed it and stayed silent—what were you afraid of? If you’re in HR or leadership and struggled to address it—what barriers did you face?

Your experiences are the data I need. Comment below, send me a message, or simply share this with someone who needs to know they’re not alone in this. The silence only holds power if we keep it.

Some resources that popped up today:

1. https://www.hracuity.com/blog/why-employees-dont-report-workplace-mistreatment/
2. https://www.peoplemanagement.co.uk/article/1866611/half-employees-not-report-workplace-sexual-harassment-survey-finds-%E2%80%93-businesses-encourage-speaking-up
3. https://vaultplatform.com/blog/why-workers-dont-report-misconduct-in-the-workplace/
4. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12657080/
5. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/21582440251368968
6. https://www.bullying.com.au/employers-have-failed-to-help-victims-of-workplace-bullying/
7. https://www.businessinsider.com/reasons-why-witnesses-of-harassment-dont-speak-up-2019-10
8. https://www.rte.ie/brainstorm/2021/1206/1265047-workplace-bullying-response-employers-managers-organisations/
9. https://www.manchester.ac.uk/about/news/bullying-why-most-people-do-nothing-when-they-witness-it–and-how-to-take-action/
10. https://hrinnercircle.co.uk/anonymous-workplace-reporting/