Emotional and Physical Release – Somatic* Release
After that interaction with Simon Squibb, where I discovered my purpose to solve workplace bullying, my body seemed to crash. I went for a walk to calm down before coming back in to the final session of the conference and drinks reception, and over the next few hours I developed more intense headaches, deep tension in my neck and shoulders, and spent almost the entire following day in bed, drifting between thinking and sleeping, feeling as if I were ill—but with no obvious physical illness outside the tension in my next and shoulders.
This was not a random bad day. It was as if, once I had named “workplace bullying” as my deepest pain and purpose, something in my system finally let go of a burden it had been carrying for years.
From a psychological perspective, this kind of response is often understood as a form of delayed stress or emotional release. When people hold long-term stress, fear, or unresolved experiences—especially around safety, humiliation, or powerlessness—the nervous system can keep the body in a chronic state of readiness: tight muscles, shallow breathing, and a constant low-level “bracing” against threat. Naming a truth that has been suppressed, and committing to act on it, can remove that internal “freeze” and allow the body to move out of survival mode.
When that happens, the system can temporarily swing the other way: exhaustion, heaviness, headaches, and muscle pain as the body processes what has been held inside. In my case, finally acknowledging the full weight of workplace bullying as a central pain point—and deciding to build a company around it—may have given my nervous system permission to feel, rather than just cope. The day in bed, the pain, the fogginess: all of that can be seen as my body catching up with a truth your mind had just spoken out loud.
“*Somatic” means relating to the body, as distinct from the mind. In psychology, it refers to the physical manifestations of psychological or emotional experiences—how your mental state affects your physical wellbeing.meridianuniversity+2
When stress, trauma, or emotions are held in the body, they can show up as physical sensations like muscle tension, headaches, or fatigue. So “somatic stress” describes stress that your body physically holds and experiences, rather than just something you think about mentally.wikipedia+1
In the context of my Day 0 experience, the intense headaches and neck tension were likely somatic responses—my body physically expressing and releasing psychological stress that had been stored for years.betterhelp+1
Why I Said Solving Workplace Bullying Matters to Me
Until I heard the words come out of my mouth I didn’t think it was my purpose. I didn’t come to this through academic study or professional training in wellbeing or mental health. It was not on my mind or in the back of my mind as I kept saying to the lovely people I met that evening – I am not the Wellbeing Guy!
I can only rationalise saying what I said because deep down it is fundamentally a truth for me that my biggest pain point has been workplace bullying. It was deep in my unconscious. In that moment I could not give you a specific definition of what bullying was, or what I hoped to achieve by saying it, or how to fix it. I simply know that deep down in my soul I want to do something about it.
I explored this with a friend of mine. He has known me for about 25yrs throughout the good times and the bad and I told him that I surprised myself by saying it. He told me that he wasn’t surprised, and told me why…
He said everywhere I have gone, every job I have had I have approached with hard work, commitment and dedication and would often power through difficulties, challenges and problems without a second thought. However, there was one thing that would set me off, like a red rag to a bull, and that was the injustice of people abusing their positions and bullying others, including me. He shared several examples of where I had stood up to bullies, including being fired and having to sue, leaving or agreeing an exit after a disagreement on acceptable workplace practice, even enforcing policies that protected others. He said he had observed me put everything on the line to solve bullying.
“I don’t win though, I proclaimed!”
“Win?” he said, “what do you mean win?”
I replied, “The people get away with it, they seem to go on regardless, the company does nothing, ignores it or I have to leave. I lose every-time.”
“Then you are not understanding the impact you are having to the people you help, or protect, or to the fact that those organisations are losing someone that actually cares about their people. You are not losing, they are.”
Up until this point, I am still spiralling from the day before. I’m in my own head, I am not thinking about others. So, when I remember a room full of 300 or so people in learning and development / HR raising their hands and said they would be interested in solving workplace bullying I realised it wasn’t just me that had this desire to fix it, and in all likelihood it wasn’t just me that had experienced it. I know it sounds strange, but I thought perhaps I was just over-sensitive to bullying, or it was just banter or miscommunication.
The more I talk about this with people, however, the more I am realising that is part of the illusion bullies create (see tomorrows post), they want you to think it is just you, there is strength in numbers, and they know it, they know if you keep it to yourself they can continue to control you and bullying will continue – unless we solve it!
This daily blog post and the weekly Linkedin Newsletter that will accompany it—is my commitment to work through this openly. I’ll share what I’m learning, the research I’m finding, the struggles I’m facing in building this venture, and the questions I don’t yet have answers to.
Your Voice Matters
This is Day 1 of “Solving Workplace Bullying” as part of building a consulting practice. But I can’t solve this alone.
If anything I’ve shared resonates with you—whether you’ve experienced workplace bullying, witnessed it, or struggled to address it in your organization—please comment, get in touch, or leave a message. Your experiences will shape this work.
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